Sometimes I get feedback from people that shows they don't really realise what my life is like. Just to be sure we're all singing from the same songsheet, this is a description of a typical day for an average girl like me.
7:30am
Wake up after a late night clubbing. Extract myself from between my partner and a pop-star who has asked not to be named until she can declare her three-way love for us (once she's out of rehab). Pad round the bedroom in my favourite pink babydoll nightie and pink fluffy heels, brush out my long blonde hair and change to get breakfast. The choice of what to wear is easy - my French Maid's outfit looks perfect, and I just need to re-touch my makeup to look fresh and cute.
8:00am
Prepare breakfast for the twelve guests we invited back from the club for a private party. First though, I quietly knock on the door of each guest room to wake them and ask what they'd like for breakfast. Our guests are delighted to be woken up this way, and I'm asked to play with them, but I have to decline as I'm meant to be getting food ready. Once I get to the kitchen, it's easy enough to rustle up tea, coffee, champagne, croissants, fresh fruit salad and a couple of full English breakfasts. I also prepare two gallons of whipped cream so that I can join the couple in the blue guest room for a post-breakfast romp.
8:30am
Breakfast is served. One guest turns out to be a major film director who asks me to act as Geena Davies' body double in her next film. Sadly I have to decline as I'm busy standing in for Jamie-Lee Curtis that month.
9:00am
I join the other couple, along with my partner, the pop-star and her sister for creamy frolics in our outsized bed.
11:00am
After two hours of almost continuous sexual fun, we have to stop as I'm due to go to a photoshoot in the afternoon. It's probably a good thing as my partner's skilled technique has left the pop-star's sister unconscious after one too many orgasm. Not only that but the postman who happened to deliver our mail at just the perfect moment really ought to go and deliver the rest of his round. We all shower together, and I change into something more relaxing for the day - a casual leather catsuit with darling knee boots with six inch heels. To complete the look, I change into a curly dark wig that almost reaches my bum. I decide to go to the photoshoot in the dark blue Jaguar convertible as the baby pink Porsche clashes with my outfit.
12:30am
There's just enough time to fit in a bit of shopping, so I stop off at Oxford Street and head down towards the designer boutiques on Bond Street. It's always fun shopping and I know many of the shop owners intimately, so I'm pleased when one of them who shall remain nameless (but had a very successful show at Paris fashion week last year) gives me a complete capsule wardrobe for free.
2:00pm
I'm exactly on time for the photoshoot. It turns out that they'd like me to be a redhead, so before we start I'm fitted with beautiful hair extensions which I'll probably keep in as they suit my skin tone. The photoshoot involves me and two other models modelling lingerie so we have a hilarious girlie time trying on each others' sexy undies and teasing each other. Eventually the photographer joins us and the photoshoot is temporarily forgotten as we pleasure each other into ecstasy. Once we've all calmed down, a slight touch up of our make-up gets us ready for some more photos, which will be sent to readers of this site who ask for them, and to a wealthy American businessman who paid for the whole affair.
5:00pm
It's care in the community time. To put something back into the world, I've agreed to act as a sexual surrogate for couples who have a boring sex life. For the last week I have been visiting a lesbian couple who, in common with nearly all lesbians are deeply attracted to men in dresses. I'm helping them to come to terms with the fact that they are actually straight if they think about it, and rekindling their love-lives by showing them how naturally sexy a woman can be. Sharon and Sue are lovely girls - both 19, with 36DD-26-36 bodies and it's a pleasure to see that with my help they are at last beginning to re-kindle their flagging love-lives.
7:00pm
My partner and I head into Soho for a fun evening. We're wearing matching latex mini-dresses, seven inch heeled thigh boots and cute little fake fur cropped jackets. We meet up with some friends we made whilst filming a porn film last week and recount tales of celebrities and politicians that we've all slept with. In common with many celebrities, I have a recessive gene that stops me from ever getting spots, prevents male pattern baldness and makes me immune to hangovers. It's a little known fact that the gene is sexually transmitted, so those of us that have it are in quite high demand by the so-called 'B List' celebrities that don't. As a result, it turns out that my friends and I have slept with many famous people in common and we have fun giving them marks out of ten for technique.
9:00am
We have a light bite to eat at a local restaurant. As we raise the tone of the establishment, the meal is on the house.
11:00am
Having had such a gentle day, both my partner and I are in need of meaningless irresponsible sex with complete strangers. We trawl through the streets of Soho and find a tourist couple who we offer to perform dirty, vile acts with. They accept and we take them down a dark alley-way and thoroughly debase ourselves. As we're feeling playful, we stop a passing policeman and get him to video the whole event (I always carry a camcorder) and give the tourists the tape to watch as a souvenir of London when they return home.
12:00pm
Suitably refreshed by our fun, we head off to a fetish club where we're asked to perform on stage to keep the crowd up for it. The music is good and we've had a fairly unexciting day, so we're happy to go wild in front of the two hundred guests.
3:00am
We head home with some new friends from the club, and some others who'd emailed me and asked to meet up without giving me the slightest indication of who they were. The party goes on for another couple of hours before I have to go to bed, otherwise I'd be tired the following day for the fashion shoot with a well known supermodel.