I have discovered a terrifying conspiracy. Yeah, yeah, I know - we all like conspiracy theories, and let's face it there are enough to choose from. But don't stand there any longer at the counter trying to decide which conspiracy you'd like to buy into! Choose this one, because it has one simple benefit - it's true!! Read on for the awful truth - made all the more scary by the fact that this truth is more true than the last one.. And stop looking confused at the back there - all will become clear.
Aliens are walking amongst us. No - for real, they are. There has been a niggling feeling at the back of my mind for sometime that something was wrong with our society, and it has only been getting worse. Admit it - you've felt the same haven't you? Something is not quite right. Well, in the bath last night I suddenly had a eurika moment. No, not Ulrika - she's nice and all but no one will replace my rubber duck.. anyway, I digress. In a flash of inspiration I realised that our world is slowly being invaded by aliens. They're taking over and twisting our world into a strange and twisted thing. Society itself is being altered so that they can walk amongst us without comment. Worse than that, we are being conditioned to treat them as both desirable and taboo. Like Vampires (who don't really exist, except on Buffy which is cool), the aliens are trying to suck us into their way of thinking even whilst we deny their existance. And it's working!
I don't yet know what they are trying to achieve. However, their numbers are building, and I see them every day. Soon I'm sure they will outnumber the last of us. Maybe then their plans will be revealed. Perhaps they simply want to control us, though I fear that they are actually the advance force for something worse still. Already they have changed us so subtly that they can be seen in the media without anyone noticing that we are truly host to alien invaders.
Breast Implants! Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you there. Yes, the aliens have disguised themselves as a means for women to 'enhance' their figures! Their evil mind control tricks have made us all begin to believe that large breasts are better - and we'll even have surgery to get them! Models, actresses, tv presenters, even our friends and neighbours are being 'enhanced' - and once they have been surgically altered, they then spread the message deeper into society.
This is getting so deeply woven into society that women can even go bare-breasted showing the most obvious signs that they have been taken over by alien breast implants and yet men fail to notice. As the menace takes root, some women are no longer sure ('are they real? no, surely not..'). Worse still, the aliens have discovered that they can even affect men - turning normal heterosexual males into bra-stuffing transvestites! With this latest advance no part of our society is safe from the cleavage invasion.
So be warned!! I've uncovered the conspiracy but I think they're on to me. I'm trying to keep one step ahead of them but I don't know how long I can stay free. They're everywhere. There's only one way to fight back against this deadly invasion and it's
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